Lost Little Boy

Posted by Terrence Johnson

I sit in anticipation
Waiting on your return home
Mom tells me you'll be home soon
I won't have to wait long

As the car pulls up I run to the door
Waiting with my arms outstretched
The door opens and you see me
But you just greeted me with a pat on the head

I put my hands down, to my room I rush
Not understanding why the greeting went wrong
Mom explains that you had a long day
That you were just tired from work

But this was our routine
We did it everyday
Why was it different
Why couldn't today be the same

The days went by and it seemed you were never there
Wondering where could you be
Was it something I did or something I said
Because to me you were still my hero

I defended you to mom
Tried to show her where she went wrong
But you still did what you wanted
Leaving the family behind

Whether it was moving from house to house
Or you bouncing from job to job
Nothing was stable around me
All alone was how I felt

I wanted your guidance
Advice when I needed direction
But you just watched TV and I sat in my room
Both of us unfamiliar with the other

This boy grew to be a young man
And his heart began to grow cold
He no longer wanted his father's love
Nor the relationship that was once so strong

Even when you were there, you were invisible to me
Cared less if you there or you weren't
My mind contained hatred
My heart needed to mend

It was hard to heal when I felt abandoned
I didn't want it to change
Nor a bandage for the pain
Anger I wanted to feel

I clung to mom not because of want but necessity
I had no on else to lean on
I taught myself to be nothing like you
Not to make your same mistakes

I comforted mom when she sat and cried
On me she had to rely
I had to grow up before my time
To play your role, not to play mine

Now that I have become a man
I have forgiven you of your sins
I'm taking you as you are
Not as you were

The past is the past
No changing it
No white-out to use this time
Time to move on

But a small piece of me is still that little boy
With his arms outstretched waiting for you to come home